she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize