i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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