Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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