I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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