I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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