I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize