and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
