Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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