so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
