I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
