The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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