pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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