Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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