The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
