she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
