Sry I called you an 8
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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