The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
