I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
