Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
