im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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