last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
