I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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