I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
