I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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