Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
