They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
