Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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