Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
