Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
