I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
