Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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