she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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