The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
