The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
