3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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