she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
