I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
