yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
