the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
