No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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