I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
