why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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