So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
