Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you traded sex for a burrito?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
