My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
