She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
