I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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