i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I look better un-naked...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
