I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
