Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
