I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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