Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
