Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
