I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
