through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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