Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
