If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
