is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need to get me chipped asap
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