you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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