I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
