I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
