when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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