i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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