I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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