Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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