the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
